John Schoneboom is a bipedal anthropoid who revels in the sensitivity of his own fingertips. Ask him for his card; he's probably got a David Wright in his wallet.
Lately he's been whipping up a chocolate pudding almost every night. When he gets over that, it'll probably be cupcakes again. It's like, once he found out how easy it was to do it, it's actually harder not to.
He currently owns six pairs of eyeglasses because he finds it really difficult to throw any of them away. Also: too many underpants.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: